Time for brutal honesty, from me. I have actively been looking for a nice man since i was 17. now do not misunderstand, lots of seventeen year old like to have boyfriends, that is all i wanted nothing deep. truthfully i never found him, you see when it comes to finding a man on the dating scene is difficult for a woman like me. my skin is dark, and let me quote the bible songs of solomon “ i am dark, but lovely”
skip the “but” anyone with eyes can see that i am lovely. but on the dating scene it gives you a level of invisisability. do not get me wrong men see me and they apprieciate it, but they feel that it means that you are less worthy of respect than lighter skinned peers or white peers. they think you should be so grateful for the attention that you should sleep with them immeadiately and put up that kind of shoddy treatment. ( i do not) they say the most insulting things as complimentary ” you are really pretty, what are you apart from black?” now i could give an answer, but i won’t because by asking he implies that black people are not beautiful unless they are racially mixed, as if being exclusively black was some sort of ugly plague. it’s insulting.
Now there are nice men out there, i keep seeing them, in couples and they buoy my sprits. but the ones left for me ( oh boy!) some of them are extremely colour-struck, it’s like they are locked into their own world where only their scale works. it’s a myopia, it blinds them to beautiful women good women ones who would be the perfect spouses.
Just a few months ago i stumbled into a short perfuctory relationship with such a fellow. i always was foxed when he said he loved the underside of my feet and the palms of my hands. he had had a child with a young white woman, but that was okay, he paid his child support he took “princess” everywhere he could. I am not predjudiced so i thought maybe see where it can go, promising.
Mistake, he started buying me hats i thought it was about style. he said i should wear modest clothes during the day and avoid gardening “you might strain yourself” so i thought how caring. i never realised till now what he was doing keeping me away from the sun. then we were talking about one of my style icons kelly rowland and her alledged body and facial enhancements. i said clearly ” if a bonafied gorgeous woman like her has to go under the knife then , what the hell chance do us ordinary women have.” he responded with “nah she’s a boobless ugly” i then chimed back that “mya is not blessed with an incredible bosom but you love the bones off of her” he then said that “mya is light she’s a pass” i was struck dumb, i could not speak. exasperation.
when i recovered the powers of speech, i said ” what the F^3K!!!!!” and he confessed that for a dark woman to pass a light one she had to have big breasts and ass and be sexy for so to stand on the same platform. I was struck dumb again. first thing i did was go and fix myself a cool drink. little did he know he was getting the heave- ho straight out of my life. he has now found a lovely white woman called sharon, i am glad he is no longer polltuing my community with his thought-pollution.
so some say the solution is for black women to cut black men out of their dating pool, well we are not getting better treatement there. I was once approached by a young man from the punjab who said “can i take you out on a date? you are lovely and too be honest i always wanted to date a black woman” at this point i was going to take out my phone when he added with a dreamy look into the heavens. ” i hear you ride like no other, like the ferrari’s of the grinding world” i got up from my seat and left. white boys have done much the same and say things like ” wow i’ve never been with a black before” social awakwardness aside, black women are not a science project so please never say this.
But you know what i refuse you blame other women for being considered more social acceptable, or generically beautiful, we have to ask men to be more intelligent. because it’s rough out there. My mother said to me when i was 4 and starting school that ” you will have to peddel twice as hard to get half as far as the white children because you are black and people will underestimate you.” i just never thought it would apply to the dating scene. But still nobody forces anyone to put up with toxic men, cut them off like the dieased limbs that they are if they are bad
